Newflash: I'm Still a Foodie

It's 1:30 in the afternoon and I'm sitting down to my little afternoon rest before going to pick the first grader up at school. Today has been fairly normal...chores, pilates, school drop off and mid-day preschool pickup. Like many days, there's been a lot of food happenings. I made egg burritos for the kids and hubby for breakfast, packed my daughter a cute well balanced bento lunch, and made the boys some grilled ham and cheese sandwiches at lunchtime. In addition I've been working on a baby welcome meal to be delivered later which included slow roasting some pork, making a pan of mac and cheese, mixing up and salad and baking cookies.

So today has been a little more food work than the average day, but certainly nothing too uncommon. It's not uncommon for me to make three meals a day since someone is usually always home in my house, or for me to be making a meal to share with someone at church or save in the freezer for later. I make cute lunchboxes, bake bread, and stir big bubbling cauldrons of marinara to freeze. I order and pick up the donut holes for church and manage the coffee supplies and volunteers. We are the bread baking rotation for our church's communion, and I often can be found posting food pictures and recipes on Facebook.

My husband and I like to buy strange food at the Asian market, try new restaurants and recipes and order organic meats from local farms. We grow herbs in our garden and make delicious things with it. We grow cabernet franc grapes on an arbor in our yard and make our own wine from it. We watch cooking shows on the Food Network.

In short, we are foodies. It's part of our lifestyle and part of our identity as a family. My husband is the bigger foodie and better cook than myself, but over the years our tastes have grown very similar and he's taught me many of his kitchen skills.

Our six year old is even a little foodie in training who likes Sriracha on her eggs and almost had a heart attack when she got a waffle maker for Christmas.

So when I began to research bariatric surgery and what it would mean for my future lifestyle, there were some things that I was unwavering on. I didn't want to eat diet food for the rest of my life, or not be able to enjoy cooking for my family. Things crossed my mind like...will I be able to eat at restaurants, will I be able to eat spicy food, can I still drink wine?

And now as I am rounding out the first year of this journey, I am happy to say that I feel like a totally normal person. I eat completely normal food at my 1 cup portion. Because sleeve patient experience far less dumping sydrome than bypass patients (mostly due to the removal of the pyloris), the only restriction I have on fattening foods is that higher calories could impede my weight loss. But I can have it...little by little, if I want to.

I was telling my husband just last night how nice it is to finally truly enjoy REAL foods without fear or hesitation. There were many many years where I consumed a lot of 'fake' foods...no fat, no sugar, lots of prepared and diet meals. And sure, during that time I was skinnier but I was certainly not healthier. I think everyone is starting to finally starting to come around to the idea that the low-fat diet fads of the 90's were simply not good for our bodies, and I know for sure it wasn't good for mine. And frankly, I still got fat didn't I?

There were many decision that lead me toward having this surgery, and one of them was that I knew I needed to be able to eat real foods and still lose weight at the same time. Of course going toward the path of surgery is certainly NOT everyone's answer for making that happen, but for me it has been.

I know that in an ideal world, I would have been able to have self-control and moderation with these real food and not gained so much weight in the first place. I know many people who successfully live that way. But well, I didn't...and that ship has already sailed.

But coming back around, heading toward the land of the skinny...I find it refreshing to get here without diet coke or fat free cheese or those fake potato chips that have warnings about anal leakage.

I feel normal and healthy and like I'm very much still a foodie.

9 Months- 80lbs and Holding

I realize that I have been a bad blogger both here and on my Mommy blog...I haven't written anything since Thanksgiving! I could have written about surviving Christmas, my first ever episode of dumping syndrome (it was cheese fries in case you're wondering), or how I handled the meat extravaganza that was Fogo de Chao...but I didn't. I've been busy having an awesome holiday with my family, and for that I can't apologize.

Much like my post about Thanksgiving, part of the reason this holiday was so great was because I feel like I had so much more energy and endurance for handling all of the activities and preparations. I also suffered from far far less blood sugar sluggishness brought on by holiday junk food and alcohol, even though I enjoyed my fair share.

I hit 80lbs right before Christmas and have stayed there. Partially because of all the nacho cheese and wine, and partially because I think my weight loss is starting to slow down, at least according to my surgeon. I feel like I have much more to lose but even so I have to be pretty happy with these results so far.

Early January, 2014

My 30th birthday, 2010. 

I thought you guys might be starting to get tired of my same boring 'before' picture, so I'm digging for the worst pictures I can find of myself. Truly awful. You're welcome.

Part of the reason I *think* the scale is slowing is because I *think* I might be gaining muscle mass from doing private pilates training twice a week. I don't know much about exercise but it certainly feels that way. Things are tightening and shrinking but the scale stays the same. My friends and doctor tell me that this is a good thing!

It's pretty dang expensive to go to the pilates studio but so far it seems totally worth every penny. The place I go has the scary looking tables with straps and springs and it is HARD.

This is picture of me yesterday during my workout. Okay not really....add about 75 lbs, dark hair and LOTS more sweat and grunting. Plus I'm not cool enough to levitate like this. But even though it's HARD (I can't not capitalize that), it's enjoyable too and I really like my trainer. And I have sore muscles in places that I didn't know I had muscles.

I'm improving little by little and the trainer always cheers on with something like 'you would not have been able to do that a month ago!' and I have to laugh a little because I know I would not have been able to to ANY OF IT two years ago. I wouldn't have lasted five minutes in that place.

And for that I'm pretty grateful. A new year with a new body and new possibilities. It feels good.

A Better Thanksgiving

We hosted Thanksgiving for my extended family at our house for the second year in a row and it was a great success. I really like hosting Thanksgiving. If the fam doesn't object, we might have to claim this holiday as 'ours'.

Getting ready for this big of a production sucks up about a week's worth of time getting the house and food ready. And we've always really enjoyed doing that kind of thing. But this year for me it just seemed easier. All of the shopping, planning, doing, cleaning, organizing, decorating. It was just less of a big deal.

And that surprised me some...because I never thought it was a big deal before. I've always liked throwing parties and such. But I never realized how much it truly wore me out.

Thanksgiving 2012 

 

I was sick the week leading up to turkey day and struggled to get things done in a timely manner. But when I asked the hubs if it seemed different he said yes. That even though I was sick, I was less stressed and got more done in less time. He noticed it before I even said anything. 

 

He's been noticing for some time now.  

 

Thanksgiving 2013

(the only full shot of me I could find was in front of a crap-ton of food)

I attribute this to several things. The weight loss and increase of physical stamina. And most notably...better sleep and a major decrease in blood sugar struggles. These three things have been my magic elixir for vitality.

Vitality that I never really realized I was missing.

And how did I fair with the turkey day food? Quite well. I had a little pile of turkey and some green bean casserole, which I had decided ahead of time would be my meal. Later I had a piece of pumpkin pie and even later, some wine. The next day I reheated one of Mamaw's amazing dressing patties and had some cranberry salad.

The rest of the food I didn't have and didn't really care. I knew what I really liked the most and wanted and that's what I went for.

And after all that prep and work and illness and antibiotics, I still had the energy to spend all day Friday antique shopping with the family, and partying until the wee hours with my oldest friends on Friday night. I didn't feel wiped out or fatigued.

And it Thanksgiving was so much better that way.

8 Month Progress Pics

Wednesday marked 8 months post surgery, and I'm feeling great. Well minus the pink eye that's been going around my house.

March 2013- pre-surgery

November 2013- 8 months post surgery. Down 77lbs. 

The C-Pap, My Secret Weapon

Nowadays I often get the question of how I feel....do you feel fabulous? do you feel so much better? The truth is that I do, but I think the weight loss is only part of that. The weight loss is great, the change in insulin response is amazing, and the difference made by my sleep changes is downright mind-blowing. 

Let me start by saying that I've always been a bad sleeper. When I was young, I was a sleepwalker. My parents would find me doing all kinds of strange things in the night, including once giving the dog a bath. In continued into college and my college roommates have a couple of good stories too.

Eventually that calmed down, but I was still just a crappy sleeper. After babies I just hardly slept at all, even when they would sleep for 12 hours. I took every over the counter sleep med (but was always afraid of things like Ambien) and eventually resigned myself to the idea that I was forever sleep cursed. And life went on.

When I was getting ready for bariatric surgery, I was required to do a sleep study because I snored. It's a very common pre-requisite to surgery.  I did not really want to do it and did not really think it would yield much information.

Boy was I wrong. 

The study showed that not only did I have obstructive sleep apnea, but an acute case of it. Given my age and weight at the time, the sleep doc said he was 'very concerned' for my future health. He said that if I left things alone, I might suffer from an apnea-related stroke 10 years from now.

The readings from the study said that on average, I stopped breathing 24 times per hour. Also my oxygen intake was hanging out at around 70% for the entire time I was in deep sleep. I never truly fell into REM sleep. Ever.

So about a year ago, I met my new bestest friend....my C-pap machine.

All this guy basically does is force air down my wind pipe while I'm sleeping, with quite a notable amount of pressure. Like a blow dryer up my nose (minus the heat of course).

The sleep doc (and my Dad who also has one of these) told me how awesome the difference would be, but I'm not sure I really grasped it until months later.

I've hesitated writing this post because I was afraid I couldn't quite vocalize the awesome difference that this machine has made for me. It is like God has given me the most amazing gift and a light switch has been flipped in my brain. My body is different, my brain is different, my personality is different, my goals are different. I woke up.

And all of this happen before I ever had bariatric surgery. It happened when I got my machine.

Now, my understanding from the sleep doc is that weight does not cause sleep apnea, it just greatly exaggerates it. He made that point very clear. He said I may eventually be able to sleep without the machine someday, and I may not.

And sometimes when I tell people that I get a bit of sympathy from them, like they are sorry that I have to put on an elephant mask every night. That's when I know that they have never experienced that level of supreme physical and mental fatigue that I have. I would do anything, wear anything, take anything I needed to to feel this good.

Sleep, real deep sleep....the most magical medicine of all, has been evading me my whole life. And now I feel blessed, beyond measure, for this silly looking blow dryer up my nose.

My life has changed.

Las Vegas Freedom

Last weekend the hubs and I went on a four day trip to Vegas to catch up with some old friends who were there to renew their wedding vows with Elvis. It was a great weekend. We saw a show, gambled a little bit, laughed our butts off at the Elvis wedding chapel, reconnected with our old friends, drank and ATE.


And I have to say that the eating part was more enjoyable than I even imagined. This is the first time in a long time that I've gone out on this kind of a trip without a list of food restrictions, without blood sugar swings, without guilt about being so fat and without fear of gaining weight.

I just ate my portion of what I enjoyed, and enjoyed it.

It was a freeing feeling, one I haven't felt in a very very long time. When temptation came I didn't hold back. One day I had 8oz of truffle fries for lunch. One day I ate two macaroons from the Thomas Kellar bakery. I had wine. I had honey roasted peanuts. I had a pineapple ginger mojito. I had a biscuit with gravy.

And it was all great, and it was all very appropriately portioned and I came home down one pound.

My dieticians would say to proceed with that kind of eating with caution of course, because I will slow down my weight loss....but this was vacation right? And like most people on vacation I threw caution to the wind because I COULD and I WANTED to.

And the guilt is gone.

Bad Pictures Made Better

Do you ever randomly run across a really really bad picture of yourself that shocks you? I did yesterday. If this were real life and not the internet, I would tell you to brace yourself and then do a slow reveal so you could gasp outloud. Ready?.....

*GASP* 

Bad outfit, butchy haircut, bad lighting and oh yeah...a lot of extra weight. This is me at a Christmas event in 2010. I had a 3 year old and almost 2 year old at home. This was before my robo-foot ever existed, before I realized I had an acute case of sleep apnea that was keeping  me perpetually tired, before I had ever considered weight loss surgery. And before I ever realized that there would be a solution that offered me permanent hope for the future.

 

And this was me yesterday, down 69 lbs. Not skinny, no...but with much better overall health. Proof that not every bad picture has to stay that way.