My Easter Day Lunchbag

Today is not only my first big family-food-holiday, but also a pretty long day out of the house. We have church, then will travel an hour south to spend the day at the family farm, and travel an hour back.

I have a plan for Easter dinner in my mind...the mushy inside of two deviled eggs and some mashed up baked beans. Jeremy was wondering if I should count on those items being there, and I told him that an Easter at Mamaw's house without deviled eggs is like an Easter without Jesus or chocolate. I know they'll be there.

For the rest of the day I've packed a bag of choices.

My bag has some assorted baby foods and mashed potatoes, decaf coffee, protein powder and juice to mix it, a V8 and some caramel calcium chews. The chews will be my Easter candy.

I probably packed more than I need but at least this way I know I'm covered for a long day out. So if you're driving down the interstate and see a lady in an electric car eating baby food out of a jar, pay no mind. 

Shooting Up

This should be filed under 'things you might not know about having bariatric surgery'...You have to give yourself blood thinner shots twice a day for two weeks post-op.

At first I had Jeremy do it because I didn't think I could shoot myself up. Guess what? It much less painful when I do it myself. No offense to my husband. He was trying.

But I think he was remembering the needle-in-the-heart scene in Pulp Fiction. 

9am and 9pm every day. You know, nobody ever told us what to do with the sharps box when I'm done. Maybe I can just roll up the hospital and be like....um, here.

Semi-Liquid Diet, Making it Work

I'm 9 days post-op and am rocking the 'modified liquid diet' for another full week. I guess I was hoping that this wouldn't be hard because I wouldn't have an appetite. Wrong. My tummy wants food...even if it's just a tiny amount.

So I'm trying to figure out how to eat and snack in a way to feel satisfied and it's not exactly easy. Especially so because I'm not allowed to drink 30 min before or 30 min after eating. And of course there are vitamins supplements that need to be eaten at different times from each other.

So my day is kind of like...eat and take vitamins, wait 30 min, drink, drink protein, wait 30 min, eat and take vitamins, wait 30 min, drink, drink protein. You get the idea.

A lot of work for someone who's only consuming like 500 calories.

I've found some things like applesauce are not very satisfying at all, but instant mashed potatoes and refried beans are much more so. I'm glad that a couple of those thicker things are allowed on the menu right now. I'm depending on them!

Instant mashed potatoes mixed with a little bit of strained cream of mushroom soup? Hello lovah.

This is a nice concoction. Chipped ice blended up with lemonade, squirted with a little Mio water flavoring for an snow-cone affect.

These are my meals, 2 oz each. These little condiment cups are a very handy buy. The container you might use for your ketchup, I use for my whole meal. 

One Week Post- Surgery: Some Early Returns

Today is my one-week post op date. I weighed myself this morning and I am down 9 lbs from a week ago, around 17 total from when I started the pre-op diet. I know that's a really great rate of weight loss and had I done it using more traditional methods it would have taken longer...but I still don't really feel it. That might be because I'm still not feeling 100% yet, and eating baby food has started to wear on me....so I'm finding myself a little down from time to time.

I want to see that this was worth it, even though I know it was.

My husband sees it in these pictures and I guess I do a little bit, although I also wanna blame some of the difference on my hair cut and the post-surgical binder around my waist (not the white band under my sweater). It holds things in where they need to be and feels nice.

But overall I'm sure the bariatric staff will be happy with how I'm doing and my progress so far. One this is for sure, I'm following the rules to the letter. 

Two weeks before surgery. (Beginning of pre-op fast diet).

One week after surgery 

A First for Everything, Like Instant Potatoes

My meals for the next two weeks following surgery are pretty limited. I can have stage 1 baby foods (meaning no chunks), applesauce, things like cream of wheat and baby oatmeal, cottage cheese, refried beans and strained cream soups. And my favorite thing, mashed potatoes!

At the hospital the nurse taught me a trick with using 1 oz of mashed potato and 1 oz of strained cream of chicken soup so it felt and tasted like gravy. So far it has been my most favorite concoction. All of my chewable vitamins and protein drinks are sweet flavors, so I'm finding myself really looking forward to those nice salty, savory options.

Well, we all know that mashed potatoes don't keep very well in the fridge, and boiling 1/4 of a potato to make myself dinner doesn't exactly make sense. So I talked my husband into buying me some of these bad boys...

It should be noted that my husband is a bit of a foodie and chef wannabe. He's all excited about making me special recipes when my options open up a bit. He's generally not a fan of any kind of boxed or prepared food, and these have never been in our house before. For a long time he was even against the delicious boxed mac and cheese, but having small kids at home has allowed that one to slip in the door. So boxed potatoes are NOT his thing.

It's funny because as much as a food snob as he is, he always finds room for a Doritos Locos Taco.

Of course he didn't give me a hard time about my potatoes....much. I think once he saw me spinning around, hugging and singing to the box he let it go.

Recovery Days

It's been four days since my Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy and I'm doing pretty well.

I came home from the hospital the day after surgery and honestly, that was probably the roughest night of all. I was suffering from a lot of nausea and couldn't drink much so I got dehydrated pretty quickly. I had a low grade fever that night and most of the next day, but not enough to concern the doc.

Every day since then has gotten easier and easier. Today I only took one dose of pain meds and went on two short walks around the neighborhood. Mom is using her spring break to be here to cheer me on, play with the kids and enforce my walking. The walking feels nice, so it kinda stinks that we are predicted to have an unseasonable late March snow storm tonight. Might need to dust off the treadmill.

I've been eating three 'meals' a day and drinking protein drinks in between. My meals are no more than 2 oz, which is equivalent to a small baby food jar or condiment cup. It seems crazy to think that that little amount of food gets me through the day but it does. Most times I eat it really slow while my family eats their food, and it seems like about all I could manage.

I've been having a lot of weird pains/cramps/gas that makes it hard to identify hunger. I've come to figure out that when it's about meal time and I start to feel nauseous...that's my most reliable sign of hunger.

A few people have asked me if I've weighed myself yet. I did on the day I got home and I was actually up a couple of pounds due to liquids, air and swelling. So I'm going to wait a few more days before I do it again. No sense in rushing that just yet. It will come on it's own. For now, I finish healing.

My Hospital Stay

This is the Build-a-Bear that the kids made me to take to the hospital with me. She has three hearts inside (for Jeremy and the kids) and her hoof plays the Star Wars theme song. She was a hit among nurses.


Well, it's hard to believe my Gastric Sleeve is over. Well not over of course, just beginning. But the procedure itself is done. I now have a stomach the size of a banana. The last couple of days have been a little rough with recovery, but now that two days have passed, I'm slowly getting better. Well enough to sit up and write this, I guess.

Wed morning I got to the hospital bright and early, hungry and thirsty from the fully liquid diet the day before. I did all of the pre-op check in stuff you would expect...urine test, blood test, got into a pretty gown and an IV. At about 9am they wheeled me into a big ol' surgery room that was bright and cold and filled with tools.

Can we all agree that no matter how serious or minor a surgery is, those rooms are a little daunting? Shortly after I got on the table, I drifted off into that anesthetized slumber and woke up two hours later in the recovery room.

It took me sometime to talk because of the trache tube they had taken out, but also because my chest and stomach were so painfully full of air. The nice thing about the recovery room was that my nurse was training a student nurse and talking to her a lot, so I got to hear everything that was happening. It helped to calm me down and wake up a bit. After two hours they were ready to move me out of there and I was lucid enough to thank them for all the great care.

So by 1:30 I finally made it into my room and Jeremy met me there. I was totally and completely stoned for the better part of the day, even though they had me walking in the hallway two hours later. I'm not sure if I was actually walking or just floating on a purple cloud.

Later Mom and Dad brought the kids by. I was worried they would be scared but they seemed totally fine once I started talking to them and answering their questions about everything in the room.

After Jeremy left I was mostly by myself all evening and night, and drifted in and out of a Golden Girls marathon. I have had surgery before on my foot and sinuses, but never the kind of surgery where you are catheterized and literally bedridden. It was a little strange to have someone changing  my pee bag and bringing me ice while I lay there like a lump.

Come Thursday morning, I was restless but still very nauseous and dizzy from the morphine. They gave me a delicious breakfast...1 ounce of mashed potato and 1 ounce of strained cream soup. It's still my favorite meal I've had so far, and thankfully I held it down. I saw the doc and the dieticians that morning as well as a rotating door of other people who came to give me clearance.

I thought I was good to go until the until the nurse pulled out my drainage port. Ooof. That was both painful and strange. It felt like having your intestines pulled out. And I guess after that I hit the morphine button a few more times and found myself more ready to nap and puke than to leave. So I stayed a bit longer to sober up and they switched me to Tylenol 3.

By 2 o'clock Thursday, I was dismissed to go home!

The day since I've gotten home has been a little rocky. I'm still having some pain and trouble eating, even my tiny tiny portions. But I know it will get better every day.

Writing this has worn me out. More about post-surgery life to come soon!

Almost Time

Tomorrow morning, bright and early!

Ready-ing the Vitamins

Lots of chewable vitamins are in my future, some which cannot be taken together or cannot be taken without food. So I thought this might be the best way to keep it straight at first.

On top of this is also 80 grams of protein supplements and very small amounts of baby food (at first). One thing's sure, keeping up with my daily nutrition will take a little more thought than I'm used to!

Ways Pre-Surgery is Like Pregnancy

Waiting for  my surgery really does feel like the last few days waiting for my kids to be born. Here's a few examples:

--I've  known about it for 7+ months, but there was a long time where no one knew. Now everyone seems to know (because I've chosen to go about it that way), and it's a hot topic of conversation.

--For a long time I didn't have a date, just a range. Now I have a 'due date'.

--My parents are coming to help out with babysitting while I'm in the hospital.

--I've been 'nesting' by cleaning my house and hoarding food for the family. Today I got frozen pizzas, peanut butter, snacks and lots of milk. We are stocked.

--I've made a few loose plans for the time after surgery to keep the kids entertained if I'm not feeling good. Easter eggs and playing outside!

--I've been to something like 6,000 medical appointments. 

--I need to go shop in the baby section of the store. Stage 1 baby food, yum.

--I will leave the hospital with something missing from inside of me.

--Everyone knows someone who has done this and wants to tell me a story about it. 

--I have no way to prepare myself for what it will be like afterward, just that life is about to change forever.

Work Up

Yesterday I got a full work-up day at the hospital, in preparation for next week's surgery. I gave 9 vials of blood and then got a chest x-ray, gall bladder and liver ultrasound, EKG and upper GI. While I was at the hospital I went ahead and got my weekly allergy shots too, just for extra fun.

Later I signed all of my legal consent forms and pre-registered at the hospital. So that it's. Now all I have to do is show up.

It's a big relief to have so many medical appointments behind me. Appointments with the surgeon, pre-op support groups, 6 months of dietician care, a pysch evaluation and 4 weeks of emotional counseling, 2 sleep studies and follow up appointment with both the sleep doc and the respiratory therapist, pre-op nutrition class and that one unpleasant lab appointment back in the fall when they had to take blood from between my fingers. All of that has happened since August.

I could complain about what a pain all of that was. Sometimes it was, especially when I had to worry with childcare and the addition other appointments like chiropractic, kid's checkups, dentist or my weekly allergy shots. Sometimes I felt like I lived at St. Francis. Sometimes I practically did!

But I won't complain though, because it's all be good and important and educational. And thankfully, all covered by our insurance. I'm grateful to the St. Francis staff. I've really had a good experience with all of the docs and nurses, especially at the Bariatric Center.

But I'm not going to lie, when the nurse told me yesterday that they would only see me at 2 wks, 6wks and then every two months I was thought....that's it?!

It seems some of the hard medical work is behind me, with a different kind of hard work ahead. 

One Meal a Day

There she is in all her glory. The one meal I get today on the pre-op fast. Lean meat and any non-starchy vegetable...no dressings or fats, no carbs or sugar.

Breakfast and lunch were protein drinks with fruit for a snack.

I'm starving here, but apparently my liver is going to be glorious for the surgeon.

Ghrelin not Gremlin

Explaining my reasoning for having Bariatric Surgery is a question that's kind of hard to answer. Mostly because I don't have a simple pocket-answer for the person I run into at the store or inquiring friend online. My answer is long and kind of emotionally involved. But mostly I could say...because I need to.

One important thing that I would tell people about my particular procedure (Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy, not Gastric Bypass) is that there's a little more to it than just eating small meals forever. Unlike Gastric Bypass, the Sleeve is not considered a 'malabsorptive' procedure. Meaning, if I take my vitamins appropriately I shouldn't have problems with nutritional deficiencies or problems absorbing medications down the road. It's simply a 'constrictive' procedure, meaning I will eat small amounts of food but my body will process them normally just like anyone else. With one exception, the absence of Ghrelin.

Not Gremlin. Like Gizmo.

Ghrelin is the a hormone produced in your stomach that works to tell your brain when it is empty. When they remove 2/3 of my stomach next week, they will also remove most of the area that produces Ghrelin. My body will not feel hunger, at least not in the same way.

This has me pretty excited about this procedure, not because of the awesome idea of not feeling hungry. Okay, that will be pretty great. But also because I'm pretty sure my Ghrelin levels have been messed up for some time.

I saw a published study about the affects of sleep deprivation and Ghrelin hormone production that suggests the two are directly inverse of each other. This came right on the heels of the sleep studies I did this fall, which revealed I have a severe case of sleep apnea. The sleep doc said my case was 'alarming' given my age.

After talking through my sleep history and sinus problems with the sleep doc, he thinks it's possible that I've had it since childhood. I do too. I've always been a bad sleeper. When I was younger I even had many cases of sleep walking and nightmares, an as adult it just manifested into a perpetual sense of exhaustion.

But until I had the sleep study I had no idea. I stopped breathing 24 times in the course of one hour.

The sleep doc said that obesity doesn't CAUSE sleep apnea. He was careful to make sure I understood that. What it does do is grossly exaggerate the condition. The fatter I got, the worse it got. The less sleep I got, the more Ghrelin my body produced and the hungrier I felt during the day.

When it comes to medical things, there comes a point in which you just have to know what's going on inside your body. I now know without a doubt that this is what was happening in mine.

So now I sleep with my lovely beautiful life-changing C-pap machine and my life is already different. I don't think I've ever slept this deeply, not even in childhood. There's no guarantee from the sleep doc that losing weight will ever mean I can go without it, and honestly I don't care. If I have to wear it every night for the rest of my life I will.

And the Ghrelin part of my equation gets resolved as a side affect of the surgery. I will be eating very small amounts and it will be enough to feel satisfying.

 And that will be....ahhhh, an intense relief.

My Pre-Op Theme Song

This song is really popular right now, which means I hear it played regularly on top 40 radio. I don't think that it's any mistake how often I've been hearing it. I think it's a message to me to keep going and keep going.

This pre-op fast has been awful and I feel awful, but it's not forever. I just have to keep doing it, just for 10 more days.

This song and video both start out slow, but become a power anthem as it goes on.


I love the lyrics:
"When you're lost and alone and sinking like a stone, carry on
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on"

Right Now, I Just Have a Headache

The time has come for me to be open about what's going on. Keeping my secret and keeping track of who knows and who doesn't know has just become too hard to handle. I've always been a very open book about my life, and so I guess now is the time to stay that way.

For a long time I wasn't sure I wanted anyone to know about our decision. For months and months I didn't even tell my family when I was undergoing all the prerequisites for bariatric surgery, including counseling, sleep studies and many many medical appointments.

But I feel right now like my head and heart are clear with our decision. I will be having a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy on 3/20, only 11 days from now.

At the moment though, my head just hurts. I'm on day four of the pre-op fasting diet and every day has been really hard. I'm allowed to eat one-low carb meal per day along with protein drinks. No caffiene, no alchohol, no carbonation, no carbs, no sugar.

I KNOW this is the hardest part because my body is in full on detox. I also know that after surgery I won't feel this nagging hunger day and night. So I wait, and hydrate and nap and wait.

And at some point in my foggy headache state, I've decided it's time to blog. I've always blogged. I've been a blogger since blogging began. And so this makes me feel liberated and strong.

Now you know. Won't you join me on my journey?